it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
