Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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