im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize