1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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