I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
