Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
