He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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