so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
