I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
