Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
