3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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