i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
