I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
