I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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