I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize