i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize