the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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