Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
