I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
