just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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