Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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