If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
