Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
