Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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