Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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