TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
