You made me cry and you don't even care
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
