Need sex. Gaining weight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
