have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
