is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize