sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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