I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
