fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is my gift to your gina
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
