are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
