how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
