just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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