It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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