i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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