And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
