ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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