My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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