If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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