a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
