the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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