you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
