The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
