I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
