Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
