That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
