4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize