I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
