It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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