shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
