Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
