She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
please come you make the beer taste better
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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