He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
