I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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