well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
