I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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