i just wanna soil my oats bro
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have fence marks all over my body
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
