yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
