Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
