yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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