it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
