this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
