You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
