this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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