yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
