don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
