but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
