He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
