Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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