SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
