you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
