Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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