Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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