obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
