Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
