Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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