why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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