the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
